Whose Shame Is It Anyway? Breaking Menstrual Stigmas

A couple of days ago, I came across a post on X that read, “No one needs to know you are on your period. Bring back shame“. The responses were varied, some agreed with the post that periods should not be spoken about while others argued that they should be, because there is nothing shameful about them. What I particularly found most intriguing were the responses which shared what might be regarded as “TMI” about periods, from clots to leakages to cramps.

I imagined how it would be if we could openly talk about periods, from the symptoms and discomfort some experience to the changes the body goes through at that time. How that would look?

I remember when I started menstruating at the age of 11, I was so shocked at what my body could do. I didn’t understand what was going on. Oftentimes, when a girl starts menstruating, she is told, “Don’t tell anyone, no one should know you are menstruating. It is your secret. Don’t play with boys or you’ll get pregnant.” But if we are being honest, what do those words really mean to an 11 or 12 year old who is still trying to figure out who she really is. We hide behind the banner of being “conservative” and shy away from important conversations because we think they are taboo. We claim it is against our culture and in doing so, we perpetuate the culture of silence which has been attached to women for so long.

When I was in high school, I remember vividly the quiet whispers with a friend when you were menstruating. You would ask her to check the back of your blue pleated skirt when you stood up, just to make sure there was no stain. You didn’t want to be embarrassed.

I remember one incident when I was 14, after a class when I thought I had leaked. Everyone else stood up except my friend and I. I had asked her to wait behind with me so she could check when I stood up. The teacher looked at us inquisitively when she saw us still seated while everyone else was rushing to the next class. Then she approached us and asked what we were still doing. We explained to her shyly, barely audible. She nodded in understanding and said nothing.

Looking back now, no words were spoken, but that nod was probably a mutual understanding of the situation at hand. The quiet acknowledgment that we couldn’t speak loudly about it, that no one else had to know. The unspoken understanding that this “shame” had to be contained.

Although it was an all girls’ school, the sense of shame around menstruation lingered, like a constant, silent companion. It was visible in the way we hid a pad in the inner pockets of our blue pleated skirts or our beige blazer when going to change. We didn’t want anyone to see.

They taught us boldness, courage and tenacity in every aspect of our lives, but not when it came to menstruation. We were never taught to love our bodies even during our periods. Instead, we were made to believe that our bodies were a thing to be ashamed of. We never got the chance to embrace them, to fully understand their needs, especially during periods.

Back then, I felt embarrassed walking into a shop to buy pads. Now, I no longer do. I walk boldly to the till. I refuse to feel shame for a biological function my body naturally goes through each month.

How can we advocate for menstrual equity and eradicate period poverty if we cannot openly talk about menstruation itself? Many girls cannot afford pads and a result resort to using unhygienic and sometimes unhealthy alternatives such as toilet paper or dirty rags.

Every month, countless girls across sub-Saharan Africa miss a few days of school because they cannot afford menstrual products. Their right to education is compromised, the risk of early marriages and teenage pregnancies heightened. If menstruation is supposed to be your secret as we are taught, how then can you seek help when you don’t have a pad?

We need to be intentional and unwavering in removing the stigma and shame attached to menstruation. There is nothing shameful about it. We cannot continue to attach a shame that isn’t ours to carry.

Openly talking about menstruation should not be a taboo when half the population experiences it. It is a normal biological process and should be treated as such.

May we move away from the mindset that periods are shameful or dirty and instead embrace the truth that periods are normal, natural and deserving of dignity.